I do things. I go places. I dream about napping. I am boring AF.
I do things. I go places. I dream about napping. I am boring AF.
So I started driving for @lyft a few months ago, and after each week of rides Lyft sends me an email outlining things like that previous week's ratings received by riders, ways to improve, and any comments left for me by riders. In 122 rides provided so far, no one - NO ONE - had left a comment for me on any ride. Until. Last. Week. I love you... too? 🤣🤣🤣 ~ ~ ~ #lyft #lyftdriver #rideshare #love #funny #msp #chevrolet #comments
I thought maybe last time was some sort of weird fluke, so I tried another visit to Iowa's highest elevation. Twas not a fluke. TWAS NOT A F%€$ING FLUKE. Again with the loss of control of facial muscles. And the urine... the urine flowed generously like Minnehaha Falls after a fresh spring rain. Suspiciously though, I was able to hold my phone perfectly still so the sign is centered on the shot and can be easily read. 🤔 🤣 ~ ~ ~ #highestelevationiniowa #ia #fieldcrest #sarcasm #funny ? #highestpoint #elevationsickness #hehe #dadjokes #humor ? #work #1670 #peejokes #fml #beard #beardsofinstagram #beards
Here are some of my favorite shots from the Spring/Summer that I never got around to posting but always intended to. It was a really meaningful time with these beautiful little creatures who I'm so #lucky to call my children. Thank you so much to #friends and #family for making this transition so much easier with your seemingly endless love, generosity, and kindness. I appreciate the outpouring of help, encouragement, laughter, and tears (mostly mine 😬 ). Throughout a good portion of my life I have often felt like a burden to people so when things got tough I would frequently clam up and try to handle the load on my own as to not bother anyone. I didn't this time. I'm learning. I set my bullshit aside and asked for help, and through doing so I have learned that those who love and care about you don't see you as a burden. They want to help. They will go miles and miles to help get you through the muck when you can't move a fucking muscle. They will rally and lift you up when you're completely #drained . You just have to set your fears aside for a brief second and ask... because as hard as asking for help feels, the alternative of losing who you are to overwhelming stress and #fear is so much worse. The reward of getting that relief from the mountains of #anxiety and #stress is indescribable. ~ ~ ~ #love #fear #realtalk #ask #askforhelp #dadlife #proudpapa #learning #❤️
Highest elevation in Iowa!! What an experience! This is the best picture I could get because the air was so thin here it was hard to stay conscious and I couldn't control my facial muscles. I may have even peed myself a bit... OR A LOT. Hahahaha!!!! ~ ~ ~ #ia #sarcasm #funny ? #highestpoint #elevationsickness #hehe #dadjokes #humor ? #work #1670 #peejokes #fml #beard #beardsofinstagram #beards
#Repost @deadangelsociety with @get_repost ・・・ JOIN THE CREW. We're looking for a few more badasses to help promote our brand and reach a bigger audience. So if you've got a good following and want to earn some free awesome merch, then follow these simple steps: 1. FOLLOW US 2. LIKE THIS POST 3. REPOST THIS POST (screenshot if you can't repost ) Your post must also include #deadcrew Again we will only be getting in touch with the successful applicants but really do appreciate everyone that gets involved! Search is WORLDWIDE! If you have a private account, shoot us a dm with a screenshot of your repost and a recent pic of yourself. Good luck everyone. Stay Awesome. Stay Dead. ------------------------------------------- Click the link | Join the Crew ------------------------------------------- WWW.DEADANGELSOCIETY.COM #deadangelsociety #deadcrew #brandambassador #modelswanted #tattooapparel #mensfashion #mensclothing #womensfashion #womensclothing #altfashion #altclothing #alternative #altstyle #altmodel #streetwear #streetstyle #urban #model #modelsearch #beardedvillains #suicidegirls #ink #inked #tattooedguys #tattooedgirls #badass #independent #brand
I would like there to exist a market for kidney stones. You know, like those that exist for fine handcrafted jewelry and vintage stoneware. I say this because I am a literal factory for kidney stone production and some compensation would be nice. Additionally, to be considered an artist for enduring the pain of boulders coming outta my peehole would be utterly delightful! There should exist a market because: they take quite a bit of blinding pain, bouts of sheer terror, and much effort to produce and COULD be beautiful, elegant, dignified, blah blah blah when polished and put in a fucking broach. Oh, and of course they'd be washed before being put in the broach, cuz ya know, urine. ~ ~ ~ #kidneystones #FAAAHHHCCCKKtheyhurt #funny ? #boulders #outta #my #peehole #lifeisart #jealousygetsyounowhere #pain #artfrompain #broach #life #humor #butthisshitaintfunny #urineluck
So I'm grabbing some lunch the other day, alone, which I do sometimes because I'm an introvert and my work sometimes zaps my energy so I enjoy meals of solitude to recharge. I was nearly done eating when the server brought this to my table. She was my server the entire time and knew I was alone because she refilled my lone ice water on approximately 11,000,000 occasions during the meal; which was nice, no complaints. When I first saw them I thought to myself, "maybe she just thinks I like fortune cookies, so she tossed an extra one in there for good measure." Then I looked a little closer. There were two fortune cookies inside one package; so I got three total. Of course I opened all of them and didn't eat any. I had to know what my completely irrelevant and entirely nonsensical tripled-up fortune was. And boys and girls, let me tell you... it DID disappoint. I was hoping for some odd #cardsagainsthumanity fortune combo whereby after shuffling them around a bit and reading them in my head I could triumphantly scream out loud, "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" with all the #michaelscott I could muster, but alas it was just boring old normal fortune cookie jargon. Happy fucking Mittwoch. ~ ~ ~ #fortune #fortunecookie #theoffice #funny ? #tokyo23 #life #hungry #lunch #rolemodel #lifegoals
Today you turn 7 years old. 2557 days of ups and downs. Rights and lefts. Twists and turns. Laughter and tears. Through all of it you remain an amazingly spirited young man who showers those around him with endless amounts of energy and unbridled joy. I feared for a long time, and still do on some of the really shitty days, that I am hurting that wild zest you have for life. Thankfully, my fatherly abilities are at least enough to keep you moving forward with that fire in your belly that I hope never dies. My stern-dad-correcting-his-kid persona absolutely melts when you bring that sinister little smile to the surface of your adorable hair-covered face almost every time you know I know you've done something we both know you're not supposed to do. It puts me on the verge of laughing til I cry every time I catch you in those moments because you're so smart, so sweet, so sneaky, and so fucking perfect. I love you from here to Texas to the moon to the sun, Miles. Happy Birthday Bucko. #proudpapa #happybirthday #son #seven #love #smilesformiles
Since realizing what you all did I've found it hard to put into words how I feel. So here's my best shot... I might not know all who helped, but thank you so much to whoever did. Those of you I do know about are a beautifully kind group of people who I respect and care about immensely. I won't ever forget this and I will do my best to pay it forward. The thoughtfulness and love behind this gesture is not lost on me. And for a specific duo, you can rest assured this selfless act indeed left me in tears. 😁 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. #friends #kind #selfless #thankyou #thankful
It smells so good! Like #pancakes , #pizza , and #hardcider . It is a complete coincidence those are things I've consumed over the last two days. COMPLETE COINCIDENCE. #beard #beards #beardsofinstagram #sometimesikeepsnacksinitforlater #yummy #coincidence #funny ? #dadlife #workinghard #notreally #doesabearshitinthewoods #themoreyouknow