It’s so hard to be humble. #loyalty 🐱
I don’t know who needs to hear this right now but, Kalmah Hades is the best melodic death metal song that exists.
Aplysia? I barely know ya! 🐁🔬🧫
Kapha Dosha incarnate. #kaphaAF
Thanks @itsvaleriawithana and Ben! The afterwork cocktails at a swanky bar really made me feel cool! 🚂🥃 And Jaime sure knows how to pick good friends. Thanks for bringing me into the fold. 🤘🏻❤️
A seal has made his residence just across the street from us! They look like little water doggos 🌊🐶 I don’t know if his presence here is due to climate change, migration patterns of sharks, or Cardi B and mangu but whatever the reason glad to have you little fella. 🇩🇴🦈☀️
I had fun drawing a throwback cartoon of Jaimes sister @danatakespix for her b-day card. Ball chain chokers, studded belts, dr martins, and listless apathy towards the status quo was all the rage in the late 90’s. 🎂🍾
When your new job does a background check and requests w2’s from a part time job you worked 7 years ago you invoke the skills you learned and make some breakfast burritos. @gin n.roses thanks for teaching me some things!
My dad dates and signs his texts. He just started texting this year after realizing my mom got all the tea from texting us. His voicemails are equally as fastidious.
Watching new episodes of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee has us craving the Lavazza and quoting Seinfeld.
You must have a p-value of at least 0.05. Because I fail to reject you @jemskee17 ❤️
Me in Reno Nevada (2006? ) on a flip phone talking to the record label about how we could monetize and invest the spoons and dashboard cat figurines we appropriated from truck stops across the US. 🥄🐱
This week in history: Me playing pool, circa summer 2019. Short shorts and cut off sleeves were the fashion at the time. Back then, men would fail to do laundry despite easily accessible resources and time, then resort to swim trunks that had not been seen in years. This gave off a playful, “He probably just came from a barbecue / swimming party look“ When in reality he had not seen the light of day in quite some time. It was a pro party statement and subtle “F you” to the aristocratic fashionistas of the time who pushed for jean shorts and large shirts featuring a favorite sportsball team accompanied by white socks and adidas sandals. This profound laziness gave rise to a trend that spanned the entirety of a week.
Show proof of Paul at the door and they’ll let you right in. Honorary Paul’s, and Paul allies welcome. No false Paul’s or Jason’s permitted. 🏳️🌈
Bust down Thotiana.
A drinking couple with a sexy problem.
Sheer Terror / Proud Boys shirt Florida Trump rally. ST renounced any endorsements by PB founder McInnes last year tweeting “just to make things as clear as possible so there is no mistaking where we stand: PROUD BOYS ARE NOT WELCOME HERE, or ANYWHERE WE MIGHT BE.” Seems suspect. Are these guys making their own shirts w bands they like? Or is this an official ST print? @officialsheerterror EDIT: Sheer Terror is keeping it real. They did not make these and they are requesting the shirt off this man as a trophy. 🤘🏻👍🏻
15 Metric tons of Cocaine. I’m just impressed someone thought Philly drug dealers would have enough organization to cut and distribute all that. Edit: After reading this I asked Siri what 1 billion divided by 15 million is. And I now know that 1 gram of nose beers has an estimated market value of $66.66 but you already knew that didn’t you. 🤘🏻❄️
Happy Father’s Day everyone. Including those without kids of their own. Someone at some time has probably called you Daddy, Zaddy, Papi, or Big Poppa and the sexualization of parenthood combined with the fear of your own mortality makes you one creepy sexy dad.👨🏻
The Last Stop in the Bronx has gastro pub style Indian food. Tikka Masala Flatbread and Kati Rolls were amazing. 👍🏻
In preparation for Baldurs Gate 3 I am finally playing Divinity. Hoping to get @jemskee17 in on a co-op game. I’ll probably roll a Dwarf Ranger even though the Undead class is all the rage. See you guys in a year or so! 🐉🧙🏻♂️🔮⚔️ Thanks @xwilliammeex for the pro tip on the half off sale at the Microsoft Online store. @suitableconditions have you played this?
My brother and his son Josiah Benjamin Hamblin. ❤️ I hope this little guy likes Commander Keen as much as my childhood friends and I. May all of our insecurities and toxic pedagogy be bestowed upon you without restraint or consideration for your own self interests or the common good of man.
Celebrating the company’s merger with a few of the boys from accounting. Not the first time my drink caught fire after a long hard day at work exploiting the industrial proletariat. I didn’t sellout, I bought in. 🔥👨🏻
“Nothing changes from the Mueller Report. There was insufficient evidence and therefore, in our Country, a person is innocent. The case is closed! Thank you.” Tweeted POTUS. I wonder why his grasp of law has changed since the wrongful conviction of The Central Park Five after he spent thousands of dollars to take out full-page ads attacking young men not proven guilty.
🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 Corporal Dwayne Hicks was a member of the United States Colonial Marine Corps, part of 2nd Battalion Bravo Team. He was a member of the combat unit deployed to LV-426 aboard the USS Sulaco, to investigate the loss of contact with the colony of Hadley's Hope. Hicks was part of Second Squad's gun team, and was also the squad's leader and Motion Tracker operator. When the unit's commanding officer, Lieutenant Gorman, was incapacitated, Hicks took overall charge of the mission as the ranking Marine.
We attempted Fifty Shades drinking game. Eye rolls = drink. Lasted 20 minutes cuz it’s so fucking corny. Don’t need trauma for sexual deviancy. Get weird because you like it.
“All on Instagram, cake by the pound”🐝
“Fix your kitchen honey.”
This biiish just scored 97 points. Good luck with that @jemskee17 I don’t even play scrabble no more so I don’t know why you try so hard. Bye. 💁🏻♂️ 💅🏻 😭
@recesscoffee I thought you guys got on that CBD train and hit the big time. Your company is tops, don’t change a thing. These posers won’t get my money.
Props to @pigdestroyerofficial 🤰🏻🤰🏼🤰🏽🤰🏾🤰🏿 “Mother Teresa was not a friend of the poor. She was a friend of poverty. She said that suffering was a gift from God. She spent her life opposing the only known cure for poverty, which is the empowerment of women and the emancipation of them from a livestock version of compulsory reproduction.” - Christopher Hitchens
roflcopter 🚁 @theonion
Port Kenzingtown Philly🍹
Happy Mother’s Day. - Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed
Happy National Alien(s ) Day. Today we celebrate the USCSS Nostromo crews discovery of an endoparasitoid extraterrestrial species in response to a distress signal from nearby moon LV-426 on the way back to Earth following a commercial mining contract. 👨🏼🚀👽